Bad grammar, typos, etc.

[lemuel]

In the screen shot http://twitter.com/#!/pcmacgames/status ... to/1/large,

live alongside of me should be live alongside me

By the way, feel free to send me more text to edit.

[jack1974]

I'll send you chapter2 in next days, but if you can highlight the changes, because then I am going to resend it to Aleema (the writer) since I cannot know if the changes are OK or not (since I'm not native English speaker, sometimes I have difficulty). Thanks

[lemuel]

Right then. I understand.

[faerirose]

Using Romance option, after getting Dora & Draco in your party. The dialogue is currently: "He distantly thought that any lovers the woman took would be very fortunate men, even she didn't love them." I believe it should be "even if she didn't love them."

[jack1974]

Thanks, writer read the forums so will fix it

[faerirose]

In version .86, in Camp chat.

Playing as Saren, talking to Karen. Karen says that Loren has more sympathy for me than I think. I ask if I have a choice to be free. Karen answers something then I talk about myself like I'm Elanor instead of Saren.

"Elanor briefly reveled briefly in the idea that she would be a free elf, etc" "but then if she left the Amazons..."

Actually, the rest of that conversation is with Elanor's dialogue and the "Saren" name on the screen. There are more references to "elf" and "Elanor" and "she/her"

[Aleema]

That's already taken care of. That's a romance only dialogue that slipped through the cracks, so it's only supposed to be Elenor. Thank you.

[Esamonia]

Hi, in version .91 in chapter one I noticed a couple of mistakes while playing as Elenor.

When Loren and Elenor first meet Draco the text reads: A lithe, blonde man stood up and brushed the dirt from him, "him" indicates someone else did the brushing, I'd recommend changing to himself.

Same scene, when Elenor notices Draco's ears her speech reads as: "You are half-elf, aren't you?" I believe it should be: "You are a half-elf, aren't you?"

Same scene again after talking about goblins as tall as trees, the following sentence could easily be misread as Loren laughing rather than Elenor due to the ambiguous "she": Draco blinked once and then burst out laughing and she (Elenor) joined him.

Further in to the chapter when choosing between Dora's and Draco's plans, in Draco's outlining speech: "...We can take the horses and seek refuge with the elves and druids- they are friendlier by far than these guys." I believe it should read for fluidity: "they are friendlier than these guys by far." at the end.

The last bit I've noticed is post Draco casting his spell to escape to the elves and is a continuity error. The sentence reads: Through the fiery chaos that ensued, the group was able to escape the building and get out of the city just as they hoped. The group was previously walking down the street to wherever the guards were taking them. I think it's meant to read: Through the fiery chaos that ensued, the group was able to escape the guards and get out of the city just as they hoped.

I haven't played very far but what I have played, is fantastic!

[Aleema]

Chapter 1 sure is being edited good. I wonder if the same will happen with the rest?
Thanks!

[MadarFoxfire]

I've been collecting typos! I'm not sure whether all of these are in the latest version, but I just skimmed through, and enough are still there that I feel confident posting the lot.

Cut for length, but also because it has spoilers for pretty much everything.

Spoiler:

During a camp conversation in chapter one, Myrth says, "When they feel saftey again, they'll be able to make reasonable decisions." It should be safety.

After returning with Karen, there's a few errors in the scene where the two halves of your potential party are fighting. When Loren takes out the Hawk Blade (or the Ember Blade I guess!), the narration is But she immediately slammed against the floor. Everyone gasped in terror. There should be a direct object after slammed. At first, I thought she'd tripped or something, which, while hilarious, was probably not what you were going for.

From the same scene: Loren stared down at the sword, and then finally wrapped her fingers around it's handle, lifting it into the air. There's a misplaced apostrophe there.

During a camp conversation with Amukiki somewhere between that and Hammerhands... I am not sure if it varies between protagonists and/or personalities, but my jokester!Saren said, "You put her danger." You were probably going for, "You put her in danger."

Then at Hammerhands, well. It's not exactly a typo, but the text claims that at the Golem's command, everything falls silent. It was a pretty powerful moment but it was undercut by the fact that the background squabble effects were still going on.

When deciding whether to pursue Krul or Jul, the choice boxes that pop up refer to Krul as a Babarian instead of a Barbarian.

In the forest, Loren yells at Jul. "You..! Fowl..! Creature..!" I believe she meant foul. I could see joker!Hero making a pun off foul/fowl and her sinister chicken wings, but Loren? Not a chance.

Another not-exactly-typo issue, but during the ensuing battle with Mesphit Demon, the battle screen has a desert background. I am guessing you were originally gonna fight him there at some point and that never got changed when he swapped to the forest.

When interrogating Chambara about the plague! She pulled out a manuscript bound in black leather and heaved it to table. That's in need of an article. The table? A nearby table? Something of that sort.

Breza retrieved a sharp wooden stick covered in vegetation and jewel tangled in the leaves at one end. I'm not actually sure where you were going with this! A sharp wooden stick covered in vegetation with a jewel tangled in the leaves at one end?

That's all I've got so far, but I fully intend to play through a few more times. Variant dialogue paths are one of the things that just hook me in, not gonna lie.