Steam Testing - Bionic Hearts 1 Grammar/Typos
Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 4:21 pm
First, a minor observation. Some people aren't big fans of voicing, so some might prefer an option to turn it off (I meant to mention this for Heileen 2). Of course, for the age of the game, I certainly understand if you don't do so.
Additionally, many of these suggestions are to have the written dialogue to match the oral (much like in Heileen 2). You will also find the changes will also match any grammar correction I could suggest
Obviously, you may wish to wait until I finish it (I know, a common refrain for me doing the Steam testing :D ).
Original:
Helen
It's not the first time we talk about it...you've already had enough time to ponder! I should be offended that you are still asking me for time to think...
Suggestion:
'talk' should be 'talked' to match the vocal.
Original:
Luke
You think? It was a unpredictable fight for me.
Suggestion:
'a' should be 'an' to match the audio.
Original:
Luke
I go and take a look.
Suggestion:
"I" should be "I'll" to match the audio:
I'll go and take a look.
Original:
Tom
What you found?
Suggestion:
Add 'did' before 'you' and change 'found' to find' to match the audio:
What did you find?
Original:
Tom
I go in the kitchen to eat a snack, but when I get back we can continue discussing the fight, ok?
Suggestion:
Change "I" to "I'm a". This is bad grammatically, but it will match the audio. Seriously, he says, "I'm a go in the kitchen to eat..."
Original:
Luke
Eh??? Who is there?!
Suggestion:
"Who is" should be "Who's" to match the audio:
Eh??? Who's there?!
Original:
Female Robot
Do as I said, or in five seconds your door will be smashed open?
Suggestion:
'Said' should be 'say' to match the audio.
Original:
Without replying, I push the emergence button to call the police.
Suggestion:
'emergence' should be 'emergency' to match the audio.
Original
Tom
Goonight
Suggestion:
'Goonight' should be 'Good night'. Although, Goonight does sound like a Batman event
Original:
Maybe they'll even ask me a fee for the wrong call.
Suggestion:
Add 'for' after 'me' to match the audio:
Maybe they'll even ask me for a fee for the wrong call.
Original:
Tanya
Yes, you know, I don't like to be called 'Prototype 9'...
Suggestion:
Change 'to be called' to 'being called' to match the audio:
Yes, you know, I don't like being called 'Prototype 9'...
Original:
The game now switches into interactive mode: you'll see two panel below, on the left the one showing the possible actions for the current location, and the other on the right to move into other known place.
Suggestion:
'panel' should be 'panels'. I'd also recommend removing the 'on' before 'the left'. The last part of the sentence could be tightened up as well.
It would look like this:
The game now switches into interactive mode: you'll see two panels below. The left one shows the possible actions for the current location, and the right one allows you to move to other known place
Original:
Better not try again...she seems determined but not evil. Anyway, I don't want to push my luck too much.
Suggestion:
Add 'that' after 'try' to match the audio:
Better not try that again...
Original:
and the 90% of population is vegetarian because it's basically impossible to raise livestock without grain and other cereals.
Suggestion:
Put 'the' after 90%, not before, to match the audio:
and 90% of the population is vegetarian because it's basically impossible to raise livestock without grain and other cereals.
Original:
Tina
What a nice talk! You've become a romantic man, Roby?
Suggestion:
'Roby' should be 'Robby' to match the audio, and Roby tends to be pronounced as Row-bee
Original:
I give him all the required direction to reach my place. While I do that, I almost feel sick for having 'betrayed' Tanya, but...
Suggestion:
'direction' should be 'directions' (plural) to match the audio:
I give him all the required directions to reach my place.
Original:
Luke never forgot Tanya and what he did to her when she went to report her to the police.
Suggestion:
The 'she' before 'went' should be 'he' to match the audio, and the proper pronoun.
Original:
She hesistates for a moment, as if she'd like to kiss me seriously,
Suggestion:
There is a mispelling here: 'hesistates' should be 'hesitates'
Suggestion:
Original
Helen
We'd better go now. We both have to be back at work in less than half an hour.
Suggestion:
Drop the 'now' to match the audio (It isn't present there). The sentence is still fine that way as well.
Original:
What if Tom decides to come see me? Or even worse, when Helen will call me to meet up?
Suggestion:
Put the 'will' before 'Helen' to match the audio (and makes the sentence better):
What if Tom decides to come see me? Or even worse, when will Helen call me to meet up
Additionally, many of these suggestions are to have the written dialogue to match the oral (much like in Heileen 2). You will also find the changes will also match any grammar correction I could suggest
Obviously, you may wish to wait until I finish it (I know, a common refrain for me doing the Steam testing :D ).
Original:
Helen
It's not the first time we talk about it...you've already had enough time to ponder! I should be offended that you are still asking me for time to think...
Suggestion:
'talk' should be 'talked' to match the vocal.
Original:
Luke
You think? It was a unpredictable fight for me.
Suggestion:
'a' should be 'an' to match the audio.
Original:
Luke
I go and take a look.
Suggestion:
"I" should be "I'll" to match the audio:
I'll go and take a look.
Original:
Tom
What you found?
Suggestion:
Add 'did' before 'you' and change 'found' to find' to match the audio:
What did you find?
Original:
Tom
I go in the kitchen to eat a snack, but when I get back we can continue discussing the fight, ok?
Suggestion:
Change "I" to "I'm a". This is bad grammatically, but it will match the audio. Seriously, he says, "I'm a go in the kitchen to eat..."
Original:
Luke
Eh??? Who is there?!
Suggestion:
"Who is" should be "Who's" to match the audio:
Eh??? Who's there?!
Original:
Female Robot
Do as I said, or in five seconds your door will be smashed open?
Suggestion:
'Said' should be 'say' to match the audio.
Original:
Without replying, I push the emergence button to call the police.
Suggestion:
'emergence' should be 'emergency' to match the audio.
Original
Tom
Goonight
Suggestion:
'Goonight' should be 'Good night'. Although, Goonight does sound like a Batman event
Original:
Maybe they'll even ask me a fee for the wrong call.
Suggestion:
Add 'for' after 'me' to match the audio:
Maybe they'll even ask me for a fee for the wrong call.
Original:
Tanya
Yes, you know, I don't like to be called 'Prototype 9'...
Suggestion:
Change 'to be called' to 'being called' to match the audio:
Yes, you know, I don't like being called 'Prototype 9'...
Original:
The game now switches into interactive mode: you'll see two panel below, on the left the one showing the possible actions for the current location, and the other on the right to move into other known place.
Suggestion:
'panel' should be 'panels'. I'd also recommend removing the 'on' before 'the left'. The last part of the sentence could be tightened up as well.
It would look like this:
The game now switches into interactive mode: you'll see two panels below. The left one shows the possible actions for the current location, and the right one allows you to move to other known place
Original:
Better not try again...she seems determined but not evil. Anyway, I don't want to push my luck too much.
Suggestion:
Add 'that' after 'try' to match the audio:
Better not try that again...
Original:
and the 90% of population is vegetarian because it's basically impossible to raise livestock without grain and other cereals.
Suggestion:
Put 'the' after 90%, not before, to match the audio:
and 90% of the population is vegetarian because it's basically impossible to raise livestock without grain and other cereals.
Original:
Tina
What a nice talk! You've become a romantic man, Roby?
Suggestion:
'Roby' should be 'Robby' to match the audio, and Roby tends to be pronounced as Row-bee
Original:
I give him all the required direction to reach my place. While I do that, I almost feel sick for having 'betrayed' Tanya, but...
Suggestion:
'direction' should be 'directions' (plural) to match the audio:
I give him all the required directions to reach my place.
Original:
Luke never forgot Tanya and what he did to her when she went to report her to the police.
Suggestion:
The 'she' before 'went' should be 'he' to match the audio, and the proper pronoun.
Original:
She hesistates for a moment, as if she'd like to kiss me seriously,
Suggestion:
There is a mispelling here: 'hesistates' should be 'hesitates'
Suggestion:
Original
Helen
We'd better go now. We both have to be back at work in less than half an hour.
Suggestion:
Drop the 'now' to match the audio (It isn't present there). The sentence is still fine that way as well.
Original:
What if Tom decides to come see me? Or even worse, when Helen will call me to meet up?
Suggestion:
Put the 'will' before 'Helen' to match the audio (and makes the sentence better):
What if Tom decides to come see me? Or even worse, when will Helen call me to meet up