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Indeed I swapped Quality (the immediately higher tier after this) with Precious. Since Quality seems a good item, but Precious seems more rare

A couple of comments on the items. These are suggestions based merely on my own opinion and preferences, not grammar corrections.

In the group of items of rare quality, there's adjective "exotic" I don't associate it with quality or rarity as well as the other words, to me it's just something imported or non-domestic...and in case of being associated with boots it starts to sound like exotic slippers... I'd suggest 'Invaluable' instead. After all, those items are expensive!

yayswords wrote:of Underwater -> Think this one is better ditched than fixed. How about "of Rain" instead?

If you need another option on the list of water-based items, this could be replaced with 'Mist' => Great Sword of the Mists, etc items wouldn't sound too bad to me.

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On the immersion thing, I think Chalassa's quest could do with some checking, too. She talks about Stamina Points in there, "I knew that each silent assassination would cost me some Stamina Point. And I had no energy potions with me. So I had to think carefully." This could either be changed so that she tells the main twin about her losing energy on assassinations in other words or so that the narrator delivers the info to the player.

Yes invaluable instead of exotic is good
Also yes, will change Chalassa's text so doesn't say Stamina Points anymore!

Krimm's quest
+Desert Plains Map. The text above the rightmost arrow says:
"One of your scout spotted something here." Should be in plural: "One of your scouts..."

+As in the previous case about Leif, wooing, and pronouns, I think changing the word order here might be in order: +There are two lines in the flashback where an expression "but that moment" is used. I think it should be: "but at that moment" :
Steam(y) Tunnels
+Some corrections to the text above first red arrow: "This looks the only safe way. You've spotted a shadow here. What it was?"
"This looks like the only safe way. You've spotted a shadow here. What was it?"

+Halfway through the tunnels, minor typo above another arrow:
"We need to squeeze through this hole, hopefully the lizardmen aren't prepating an ambush. Should be "preparing"


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On the item names... Some of the descriptors are clearly more suited for weapons than armour. I don't have any better suggestion on how to replace this, sorry. I guess I'm just pointing this out because I found it unintentionally funny: They sound pretty painful to whomever would be wearing them. Poor feet. Good thing the adjective 'Exotic' will be removed, because "Exotic Hurting Leather Boots" would really amp up the kink even further.

jack1974 wrote:I removed the lines that was saying "increases 50% resistances". But I need at least to give a vague idea of the effects, no? If anyone has suggestions is welcome.

I thought this Erin person was gonna fix them

Anyway, since I keep insisting on doing the Galanna quest, that's the only one I can nitpick for you right now, but I will go all-out on it.

First line: Why not capitalize "servant"? It would look good in a "name".

Main twin: Why? I thought he didn't have any more quests for us.
I would like "tasks" in place of "quests". Quests sound like some fun exciting adventures, not something you assign to slaves you are at liberty to kill if you see fit.

Skip 5 lines.

Riley: It is a Spell/Stamina point regenerating potion.
Immersion takes more damage than Volcano did here. Never ever have a character talk about spell/skill/stamina points. Change to: "It makes you inexhaustible."

Skip 1 line. From here on it gets trickier, but I'm going to try to keep as much of the original dialogue as possible. Note that not everything I change from here is wrong, but I'm just trying to steer it in a better direction.

Krimm: We already have potions like that, and they are much less expensive!
"500 gold for an energy potion?"

Skip 4 lines.

Riley: It doesn't just refill your energy once. It will regenerate it for the rest of the battle!
If immersion was resurrected after talking about stamina points, it got killed again now. Your energy will regenerate as long as there is someone in close proximity who wishes you dead, someone who will actively and openly pursue that desire! That's the magic of this potion! You can't have the characters talk about battles like it's perfectly normal that once you defeat a squad of 1-6 opponents, all buffs/debuffs immediately cease working. That's a game design mechanic only.

So how about: "You mean, what makes it different from a thousand of them? How about a lot less uncorking!"

Main twin: Oh. I see. That's why it's so powerful.
Change the last sentence to: "That does sound powerful."

Aaaand done. If you can post the dialogues for the other items I can nitpick those too.

Thanks, here they are:

GAMESH
gam "Ah, here are our friends! My master was hoping you would come see us again!"
pl "Why? I thought he didn't have any more tasks for us."
gam "Indeed. But since you did such a good job, he wanted to offer you a reward."
ril "Uh? What kind of reward?"
show i_slave_male1 happy with dissolve
gam "You're allowed to buy our powerful 'Scent of Stars'!"
kri "A perfume?"
gam "No no, it is much more! It will allow you to win even the most difficult battles."
vae "Sheesh, a drug."
cha "What did you expect from the Gamesh?"
pl "All right, so how much would cost?"
gam "For you, only 500 gold each bottle."
pl "500 gold!?"
show i_slave_male1 angry with dissolve
gam "It's more than worth the measly 500 gold you'd pay for it! You could defeat Loren the Amazon princess in a duel with it!"
vae "Somehow I doubt it."
ril "That... sounds really powerful!"
gam "Take a look for yourself."

KIDUU
kid "Ah, here are our friends! My master was hoping you would come see us again!"
pl "Why? I thought he didn't have any more tasks for us."
kid "Indeed. But since you did such a good job, he wanted to offer you a reward."
ril "Uh? What kind of reward?"
show i_slave_male3 happy with dissolve
kid "You're allowed to buy our powerful 'Manticore Poison'!"
cha "That's... powerful."
ot "You know what it is, Chalassa?"
cha "Yes, it's like a bomb. You throw it and it explodes, spraying all the enemies with a powerful poison! Very nasty stuff."
kid "Good, I see that you know what I'm talking about!"
cha "I also know that it's very expensive though. And can only be used by thieves."
kid "Yes, but for you, only 500 gold for a one-time use bottle!"
pl "Only!?"
kid "Is a fair price. It will help you defeat the toughest enemies!"
kid "Here, look for yourself."

LUGAL
lug "Ah, here are our friends! My master was hoping you would come see us again!"
pl "Why? I thought he didn't have any more tasks for us."
lug "Indeed. But since you did such a good job, he wanted to offer you a reward."
ril "Uh? What kind of reward?"
show i_slave_female1 happy with dissolve
lug "You're allowed to buy our powerful 'Ironwall Oil'!"
vae "Wow!"
ot "You've heard of it, Vaelis?"
vae "Yes, it is a very powerful protective armor oil. You use it on any kind of armor and it increases your defense and all elemental resistances for the rest of the battle!"
lug "Good, I see that you know what I'm talking about!"
pl "It won't be cheap, I suppose?"
lug "True, but for you, it's only 500 gold for a one-time use bottle!"
pl "Only!?"
lug "Is a fair price. With it, you'll become invincible!"
lug "Check it if you like."

jack1974 wrote:GAMESH (immersion unharmed here, but fixing it up anyway)
gam "Ah, here are our friends! My master was hoping you would come see us again!"
pl "Why? I thought he didn't have any more tasks for us."
gam "Indeed. But since you did such a good job, he wanted to offer you a reward."
ril "Uh? What kind of reward?"
show i_slave_male1 happy with dissolve
gam "You're allowed to buy our powerful 'Scent of Stars'!"
kri "A perfume?"
gam "No no, it is much more! It will allow you to win even the most difficult battles."
vae "Sheesh, a drug."
cha "What did you expect from the Gamesh?"
pl "All right, so how much would it cost?"
gam "For you, only 500 gold each bottle."
pl "500 gold!?"
show i_slave_male1 angry with dissolve
gam "It's more than worth that measly price! You could defeat Loren the Amazon princess in a duel with it!" (I changed it because they were spamming "500 gold" )
vae "Somehow I doubt it."
ril "That... sounds really powerful!"
gam "Take a look for yourself."

jack1974 wrote:KIDUU
kid "Ah, here are our friends! My master was hoping you would come see us again!"
pl "Why? I thought he didn't have any more tasks for us."
kid "Indeed. But since you did such a good job, he wanted to offer you a reward."
ril "Uh? What kind of reward?"
show i_slave_male3 happy with dissolve
kid "You're allowed to buy our powerful 'Manticore Poison'!"
cha "That's... powerful."
ot "You know what it is, Chalassa?"
cha "Yes, it's like a bomb. You throw it and it explodes, spraying all the enemies with a powerful poison! Very nasty stuff."
kid "Good, I see that you know what I'm talking about!"
cha "I also know that it's very expensive though. And can only be used by thieves." <-- Tricky line, not sure how to fix. Maybe the second sentence could be: "And it should only be handled by the most dexterous fingers." Mentioning class restrictions is obviously immersion-breaking anyway.
kid "Yes, but for you, only 500 gold for a one-time use bottle!"
pl "Only!?"
kid "It's a fair price. It will help you defeat the toughest enemies!"
kid "Here, look for yourself."

jack1974 wrote:LUGAL
lug "Ah, here are our friends! My master was hoping you would come see us again!"
pl "Why? I thought he didn't have any more tasks for us."
lug "Indeed. But since you did such a good job, he wanted to offer you a reward."
ril "Uh? What kind of reward?"
show i_slave_female1 happy with dissolve
lug "You're allowed to buy our powerful 'Ironwall Oil'!"
vae "Wow!"
ot "You've heard of it, Vaelis?"
vae "Yes, it is a very powerful protective armor oil. You use it on any kind of armor and it increases your defense and all elemental resistances for the rest of the battle!" <-- Again, the battle problem. Not sure I can imply the infinite duration here, but since there's a preview anyway I'm not sure it's badly needed. How about... "It will thwart both sword and spell like nothing else will!" Actually I think Vaelis will sound more enthusiastic about it if he only says that and skips the first sentence.
lug "Good, I see that you know what I'm talking about!"
pl "It won't be cheap, I suppose?"
lug "True, but for you, it's only 500 gold for a one-time use bottle!"
pl "Only!?"
lug "It's a fair price. With it, you'll become invincible!"
lug "Check it if you like."

Also when we return to buy a second potion, can we not have to endure the whole dialogue again. I feel like I'm playing a goldfish party

Servant: You're back! Our generous offer still stands if you would like to make another purchase.

yayswords wrote:cha "I also know that it's very expensive though. And can only be used by thieves." <-- Tricky line, not sure how to fix. Maybe the second sentence could be: "And it should only be handled by the most dexterous fingers." Mentioning class restrictions is obviously immersion-breaking anyway.

How about: "I also know that it's very expensive. And it requires great skill to be able to aim it correctly." ?
The fact that the poison can be used only by thieves could/should be in the tooltip. Right now it's not:
"Item Preview
Manticore poison
Throw it on the battlefield to poison all the enemies with the powerful Manticore poison: reduces target's base statistics by 25% and inflicts 15 hp poison damagage each turn."
I'd edit this to:
"Throw it on the battlefield to poison all enemies: reduces targets' base statistics by 25% and inflicts 15 HP poison damage over time for 10 turns. Can only be used by the thief class."
The name of the stuff doesn't need to be repeated in the tooltip, imho.

fabulaparva wrote:How about: "I also know that it's very expensive. And it requires great skill to be able to aim it correctly."

Didn't want to imply it would require a certain attribute to be high