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Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:02 am
by Troyen
New Empire Cards Unlocked! (Scene 03)
- Right-click to examine them.

Mission 04
(recon unit explanation)
- all invisible units and increase our power!

Scene 04
- Wait, who is your first mother? (question mark)

-As interesting as that line of thought may be (two words)

-rubble in my hands (not heads)

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:45 am
by Franka
I was saving all of Jack's typos on cards for later, once we had all cards released, because I know there are a lot. :lol:

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:57 am
by Troyen
Yeah, but I probably won't remember them all then. :p

Marksman Team
- Every turn the marksman team's attack increases by 1, until it has 4 attack.

Scene 05
Mizuki's line:
- there is great slow down (I'm not quite sure what she's trying to say here, so I don't have any suggestions, but it reads weird.)

- the empire was facing an attack near Alpha Centauri.

- the first time my command was on its own.
Scene 06
- no idea just what the hell is going on here.

- from the stars.

- You're talking desertion, you know that? (question mark)

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:54 am
by Troyen
Mission 07
game/plot/missions.rpy 764
- Doesn't that beat all? (it's a rhetorical question, but it's still a question)
- I wonder what advice she'd give now. (delete the erroneous "she" before "advice")

Orbis, and they drop from the sky is much more deadly. (this makes no sense)
- we need to destroy them.

- would need to be giant-monster certified? (question mark)

I'm not sure a semi-colon is appropriate here. Seems like a place for an em-dash?
First Galina Talk (I thought this was supposed to be DLC-only?)
game/plot/friendship.rpy 2886
- the teacher was trying to figure out
First Christophe Talk
game/plot/friendship.rpy 1454
- I shouldn't have you jailed? (rhetorical questions are still questions!)
First Mario Talk
friendship2.rpy 1483
- breakout of zits. (one word)
First Samuel Talk
friendship2.rpy 4357
"and time to return him home." (is missing a subject - "then it's time"?)
First Graciela Talk
friendship.rpy 3571
- ride it for pleasure?

- my treat?
First Mizuki Talk
friendship2.rpy 2924
- to death?

- he was truly a psychic detective (line before says "a psychic" and the second part uses "he" anyway which doesn't match with "they")

Nit: I think in-game needs a hyphen?

Graciela's line here is odd. Diane just said she likes board games, Graciela inserts a remark about lag, and everyone else goes back to talking about analog gaming.
Someone's First Talk (I forgot who - Rigel maybe?)
Ballroom dancing
friendship2.rpy 3534
- creep in too much.

- Captain
Mira's First Talk
friendship2.rpy 2162
- tonight?

Tenses don't match. Probably want "I see"

-show you where
friendship2.rpy 4978
-I introduce (or "May I", but not "My")

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 5:38 am
by Troyen
Scene before Mission 8 (don't have line number, sorry):
- Power, and <talking about restoring facilities> - delete the comma.

Mission 9
966 Mizuki says "even I don't have the clearance for it"
970 Diane says "I might be mistaken, but isn't this above your clearance?"
973 The line from Mizuki should read "...that's what I just said!" ;)

During the battle:
"Use Mizuki's Hacker unit and Unoptimal Balance cards" (s, also the casing is inconsistent - Unit should be capitalized or balance lowercase, no?)
Scene 09
talk.rpy 2372
I'm not sure "the" is needed before "blurring censorship"

- would they believe us?

"There won't be a lot of other choice." (were you going for "They won't have a choice."?)

"then" is unnecessary here

Mission 10
- but I can't do that.
Scene 10
talk.rpy 2620
I don't think the "at this time" is needed, makes it sound a little awkward.

- a brave thing!

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 1:32 am
by Miakoda
Almost everything is caught up here except for the Cards, and first part of the instructions.

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 7:24 am
by jack1974
For cards, I'll hold off until they're all "final". Since if I change a card ability, the description will change too. Though of course at this point, except for a few cards, I don't plan any big changes :)

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:03 pm
by Alex81
In the second dialogue with Lucius, Mira says the following sentence :

"Fear, and guilt. Even after I built you, there were many who were offended you by your shape ; they said it made a mockery of the human form"

(That's a YOU too much no?) That's the only real typo in the sentence (I might've worded that entire sentence differently as well, but I'm really only looking for typos)

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2015 8:14 pm
by Alex81
In what I think is, Alex's third (or maybe 4th) party dialogue, he explains to Graciela how he (and Diana) came to be from two different countries,after Alex and Diana's parents split up. The sentence goes :

" In retrospect, I could see they tried to make it go during the last year, but it just didn't feel right"

That sentence looks very ....strange / wrong to me at least. If I read it correctly Alex is saying their parents tried to make their relationship work,
perhaps the sentence should be more like :

Suggestion :

"In retrospect, I could see they tried to make it work / I saw/knew they tried to make their relationship work."

The original sentence, might read they -tried- to make their relationship/marriage fail, instead of trying to make it work.
Trade the word GO with WORK ( or maybe think up a new way to word the sentence?)

Re: Typos Thread!

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2015 6:12 pm
by Alex81
Near ending sequence I got this line
MIra gives a glance in the direction of Lucius who is now engaged in a rather one-sided conversation with a couple of awestruck childen

Might want a comma , after Lucius, and add an R to the word children